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Postpartum OCD: The Curse of Never-Ending Scary Thoughts

Published on November 15, 2020July 20, 2022 by kshanmuk

While postpartum depression and anxiety have become more widely-understood, there is still limited research about postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder. This mental health struggles occurs in approximately 1-10% of parents. Since postpartum OCD presents as excessive worrying and helplessness, it is commonly misdiagnosed as anxiety, or worse, it is dismissed as “normal worrying”.

person washing his hand — Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

When you think of OCD, your mind may jump to stereotypical examples like excessive hand washing due to a fear of germs. With postpartum-OCD, parents are often struggling with scary thoughts regarding the safety and well-being of their baby. As a forewarning, some of the examples shared below can be triggering. Please read with caution, and reach out if needing support.

The first element of OCD: Obsessions

photo of woman covering her face — Photo by Eternal Happiness on Pexels.com

There are two key components that make up OCD. The first is obsessions. Obsessions involves intrusive and distressing thoughts, images, or beliefs that continue to repeat incessantly. Individuals struggling with obsessions do not feel in control of these thoughts, and are quickly overwhelmed. Common OCD obsessions include:

needing order or symmetry
fear of harming yourself or other people
unwanted sexual thoughts
religious obsessions (e.g. fear of offending God)
fear of limited or lack of control (e.g. acting on impulsive urges to shoplift)

Common obsessions with Postpartum OCD:

crop mom dressing newborn on bed — Photo by Polina Tankilevitch on Pexels.com

Contamination fears (e.g. bottles not being cleaned thoroughly)
Fear that baby will get sick or die (e.g. sudden infant death syndrome, car accidents)
Sexually intrusive thoughts (e.g. what if I am turned on when changing my baby’s diaper?)
Concerns about hurting the baby. For example:
- What if I drop the baby and her head cracks open?
- Intrusive thoughts about stabbing/shaking the baby
- Image of drowning baby in bathtub
- Urge to scream at baby
Concerns that others may harm the baby
Stress about making the wrong decisions (e.g. feeding the wrong food)
Rigidity to schedules/routine (e.g. nap times, feed times)

The second element of OCD: Compulsions

An individual with OCD is aware that these obsessions are not valid or logical. However, because the images or thoughts are so distressing, it feels important to get rid of them quickly. This is how compulsive behaviours start. When an obsession becomes too much to handle, compulsive behaviours are used to manage them. If you’re scared of germs, you start to wash your hands. If you’re scared of your baby dying during sleep, you may need to check repeatedly during the night to ensure safety. These compulsions are not effective in actually eliminating or addressing the fear; however, they provide a quick fix in that moment. Because the intrusive thought comes back quickly, the compulsive behaviour is repeated in order to help the individual calm down.

Common Compulsions with Postpartum OCD

When it comes to postpartum OCD, these parents are overwhelmed by the idea of harming their baby or being unable to protect their baby. Compulsive behaviours involve any means in which to offer their baby protection. Examples include:

man tattooed praying — Photo by Ric Rodrigues on Pexels.com

Avoidance of the baby
Checking repeatedly to see if bottles/supplies are clean
Excessive-reassurance seeking from health care professionals to confirm that baby is safe and healthy
Removing all sharp objects from the home
Avoiding any news or media related to child abuse (due to fear of being turned on)
Refusing to give baby a bath
Refusing to change diapers (due to fear of sexually abusing baby)
Avoiding breast feeding or eating certain foods to prevent contamination
Excessive praying
Isolating baby from loved ones
Not driving in the car with baby

Some compulsive behaviours seem normal. After all, double checking that the bottles are clean, or peeping in to the nursery to ensure your infant is asleep are perfectly normal tasks that all parents practice. The concern with compulsions is when these behaviours are done repeatedly. When intrusive thoughts are too distressing and compulsions take up a large chunk of time, our quality of life starts to suffer.

The commonality of intrusive thoughts

Most of us, irrespective of having a mental health diagnoses, will have disturbing thoughts from time to time. In fact, intrusive thoughts happen to approximately 80% of new parents. We’ll have a fleeting thought about falling off a balcony, driving into oncoming traffic, or yelling at our family members. When we are not fraught with distress and fatigue, we can usually shake our heads and call it for what it is: a strange thought. We may scoff and think it’s odd, but we don’t put too much thought into it, and can move on. For those with postpartum OCD, intrusive thoughts are so distressing that these parents assume there is some truth or meaning to these obsessions. Rather than shaking their head and saying “what a weird thing to think”, they become overwhelmed with guilt and shame at ever considering these thoughts.

Fears in reaching out

In a previous post, I had talked about some of the barriers that prevent parents from seeking help. One of the biggest blocks in reaching out for help is the fear that expressing these intrusive thoughts will lead to a call to the Children’s Aid Society. For those who struggle with this fear, I would like to reassure you that having a scary thought does not mean you are going to act on them! Parents with postpartum OCD have the best intentions for their children. They are overwhelmed by the fear of causing any harm that they are willing to practice whatever forms of compulsive behaviours to avoid this potential issue. Seeking help does not mean a call to the authorities.

postpartum OCD and anxious thoughts — Photo by Mr. Beanbum on Pexels.com

Postpartum OCD is not a “mom’s issue”; it can also be experienced by dads, adopted parents, and other caregivers. If you or a loved one is experiencing intrusive thoughts during the postpartum months, please do not stay silent. Postpartum mental health is treatable. If you are concerned about your own symptoms, but are not ready to talk, you can fill out the Yale-Brown Obsessive-Compulsive Scale to complete a self-assessment.

Take care,

Kasi

Schedule a free consult

Kasi Shan, MSW, RSW

Kasi Shan Therapy is located in Kitchener, Ontario. She offers in-person and online appointments supporting individuals with struggling with trauma and perinatal mental health.

Contact Kasi

Common anxious thoughts during the postpartum year

Published on September 27, 2020August 18, 2022 by kshanmuk

Cognitive-behaviour therapy has taught us that there are certain themes to our anxious thoughts. These themes are referred to as “cognitive distortions” or “thought traps” in CBT lingo. Anxious thoughts can happen to any of us, irrespective of whether or not we have a clinically diagnosed mental health issue. More often, they tend to pop into our minds when we feel vulnerable. Unfortunately, during the postpartum year, there are numerous vulnerabilities that new parents face. Examples of these vulnerabilities include lack of sleep, hormonal shifts, adjustment to a new life, changes to routine, and an increased sense of responsibility. The following are a list of common thought traps, and examples of how they may show up for postpartum parents.

Common anxious thought patterns that new parents experience:

Over-generalization

common anxious thoughts during postpartum — Photo by Ann H on Pexels.com

When we over-generalization, we are making assumptions based on limited information. This means we come to a conclusion about someone or something from a single piece of evidence. In future circumstances, we overestimate the likelihood that the same set of events will happen again. The following are a few examples of how over-generalization can show up during the postpartum stage:

“My baby is not latching right away, I’ll never be able to breastfeed.”
“This baby has been fussing for nearly an hour. I am never going to be able to get to sleep.”
“My spouse was so tired and cranky when he came from work yesterday. I don’t trust him to take care of the baby on his own in the evening now.”

Catastrophising

woman in black long sleeve shirt lying on gray couch — Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

This anxious thought pattern basically means we are magnifying an issue into something awful and disastrous. We may do this by exaggerating the meaning or importance of certain events. Often times when we catastrophise, there is a sense of dread in facing uncertainty. We don’t feel we have the skills or confidence to manage in this situation. Examples of catastrophising during postpartum care include:

“My spouse and I argued this morning. We must be heading towards a divorce.”
“I got angry with the baby. We are never going to have a good relationship. I’m not cut out to be a parent.”
“Sleep training was so hard yesterday. I can’t imagine that it’s going to get better.”
“My daughter freaked out at the doctor’s office. The staff must have been pissed that I couldn’t calm her down. I can’t go back there.”

All-or-nothing

All-or-nothing thinking keeps us stuck between two restrictive options. This anxious thought pattern refers to when we things as falling into extreme categories without any middle ground. We are either perfect or a complete failure. Things are either good or bad. Life is either easy or impossibly hard. When we focus on these polarized options, we forgot to notice exceptions to these extreme thoughts. We don’t take into account all of the various and complex factors that may have affected achieving full success. We don’t consider how our self-worth is separate from our achievements.

Personalizing

Personalizing is when we take on the responsibility of a situation or take ownership of other people’s behaviours. This happens quite often with parents who take on the responsibility of their child’s behaviours as if they are fully to blame. It does not allow space for the many external factors that could have also influenced what had taken place.

E.g. the baby is teething and unable to fall asleep: “I’m a lousy parent. I can’t help my baby get some rest.”
E.g. Your partner received negative feedback from his/her boss. “It’s my fault. I kept my spouse awake by asking for help during the feedings.”
“It is my fault that my baby is not walking, talking, or meeting a developmental mile stone at this time. I must be doing something wrong.”

Should Statements/Perfectionism

This anxious thought pattern is really tough during the postpartum period. We are all trying our best as new parents, but the pressure to manage these high standards can be incredibly straining. Perfectionist thoughts involve terms like should, shouldn’t, must, must not, ought to, have to, etc. We use these thoughts as if they are iron clad rules. Unfortunately, there is a lot of frustration and resentment when we cannot meet these high expectations.

“I should be able to do the dishes, make supper, tidy up and take care of the baby.”
“I have to get to the gym. I can’t be walking around with all of this baby weight still.”
“I should be calm and soothing all the time, even when my baby is cranky.”

Do these anxious thoughts sound familiar?

Anxious thoughts can happen to any one. However, there is a higher vulnerability for anxiety during the postpartum year. If you are concerned that you may be experiencing postpartum anxiety, the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale is a quick self-assessment that reviews signs of depression and anxiety in parents. Postpartum anxiety is treatable. If you are struggling, please reach out.

Schedule a free consult

Kasi Shan, MSW, RSW

Kasi Shan Therapy is located in Kitchener, Ontario. She offers in-person and online appointments supporting individuals with struggling with trauma and perinatal mental health.

Contact Kasi

Unhappy relationship after a baby

Published on August 2, 2020August 2, 2020 by kshanmuk1 Comment

Relationships are tested all the time when life throws curve balls. As much as we’d love for a new family member to bring us closer together, having a baby can actually worsen the sense of an unhappy relationship.

Working in perinatal mental health, I hear a lot of parents talking about their relationship dissatisfaction. I know they are struggling with poor communication, lack of sleep, and adjustments to new responsibilities. One parent is trying to maintain a sense of normalcy, continuing to work long hours to provide financial stability to the family. The other parent is spending hours with their infant intent on keeping their baby alive and thriving. While these goals are both compatible, it’s easy to get lost in our own perspective of what is most important or necessary. During postpartum stages, I hear parents constantly share how much they yearn to feel connected with their partners. They want the security of knowing they have their partner’s love, understanding, and support.

The Four Types of Relationship Conflicts

There are many factors that can create an unhappy relationship; however, I’ll focus on communication struggles for this post. The Gottman Institute recognizes that there are four common trends in relationship conflict, which they’ve coined “the four horsemen”. With decades of research, the Gottman Institute can confirm that the presence of these four conflict styles create and exacerbate unhappy relationships. These communication conflicts can happen to the best of us, but it’s important to recognize when it is an off-chance occurrence versus a continued pattern.

Criticism

Unhappy relationship after a baby: Things to notice, and ways to fix. — pexels-photo-984954

This type of relationship conflict involves one partner expressing criticisms about the other’s personality or defects. Often, with criticism, the angry party will state “you always-” or “you never-” or others forms of extreme language in order to highlight a partner’s inadequacies. Instead of voicing the actual complaint, the focus is instead on attacking your partner’s character to the core. Rather than stating “I feel frustrated that the dishes haven’t been washed tonight,” the angry individual will state, “you are such a lazy slob” or “you always watch TV instead of doing what you promised.” It leaves the other person, whether he or she is in the right or wrong, to feel hurt and assaulted.

Defensiveness

When met with criticism, it’s natural that you wish to defend yourself. In an ideal world where our defensiveness is less heightened, we can hear a complaint, take responsibility of our actions, and apologize if necessary. Instead, the hurt partner gets angry and attacks in turn. The argument cycle continues as the other partner then feels blamed and hurt.

There are various ways in which we can become defensive:

attack back with a critical comment of your own “Well, they’re mostly your dishes from breakfast. What made you so lazy this morning?”
claim innocence “I rarely watch TV. Why are you bugging me the one time I get to sit down?”
express righteous indignation “I was going to do it after this show.”
whine “I’ve had such a long day at work. Can’t you give me a break?”

Contempt

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Contempt is the extreme version of relationship conflict. It is the highest predictor for divorce. When we are being contemptuous, we are genuinely being mean and disrespectful. This includes: name calling, using sarcasm, ridiculing, giving condescending lectures, throwing insults, eye rolling, etc. When we use this form of conflict style, it makes it hard for partners to move past our sense of disgust and superiority towards them.

Stonewalling

This form of unhappy relationship conflict involves shutting down or “becoming a stone wall” when our partners express their feelings. This means we offer zero verbal or non-verbal language in response to their comments and questions. Stonewalling is a protective mechanism that attempts to block out rather than take in our partners’ criticisms, defensiveness or contempt. The stonewaller often feels overwhelmed and unable to think clearly or know what do about the situation. Rather than face the conflict, a stonewalling partner may instead tune out, become distracted by other activities, or simply walk away.

Crap! I do some of these things! How do I fix my relationship?

If you happen to fall into some of these conflict styles, don’t worry! We all have moments of falling into these conflict styles. The following suggestions are some ways to improve the situation.

Use gentle and assertive communication

I love the DEARMAN acronym from DBT to help with assertive communication. This acronym helps us make requests or say no in a confident and conflict-reduced fashion. By using a gentle and assertive approach right from the start of a conflict, there is less likelihood for your partner to feel defensive or need to attack or shut down. Speaking assertively can push some of us outside our comfort zone, especially if your tendency is to stone wall and not express your feelings or needs. However, by asking clearly and respectfully, your partner has the opportunity to hear what you would like, and have the chance to negotiate with you on terms that seem manageable for him/her/them.

D= Describe the situation. Use a brief statement that sticks with objective facts. “I noticed there are still dishes in the sink.”

E= Express how you feel. Use an I statement to explain what emotions are showing up for you because of this situation. “I feel upset that the dishes haven’t been done because we had talked about sharing the household chores more equally. I feel disappointed that this task wasn’t completed.”

A= Assert what you want. Be clear about what change you are looking for at this time. “I would like for the dishes to be done after supper.”

R= Reinforce what is in it for the other person to follow through. It’s absolutely fair that you want your partner to “just know” that it’s right thing to do. However, it’s more helpful and efficient to provide a reminder for why it’s important to maintain a specific behaviour or make a change. “I was looking forward to relaxing at the end of the night with you. I’d love to cuddle up to watch some TV rather than waste our short chunk of evening time scrubbing away at dishes.”

M= be Mindful. Don’t use this as an opportunity to throw in twelve other requests. Focus just on this one situation.

A= Appear confident. There is no need to apologize when you are making a request for change.

N= Negotiate. Sometimes your partner will be willing to make a change so long as there is some wiggle room. Be willing to negotiate so that you can both come to a satisfactory middle ground.

Express appreciation and respect regularly

One of the best antidotes for anger in a relationship is to voice appreciation and respect regularly. Are you turning towards your partner and commenting when they do a task you genuinely appreciate? Did you thank them for tidying up the garage or watering the grass this morning? It may seem unnecessary, but check in on the ratio of negative to positive attention that you provide your partner. How often are you expressing factors that you dislike? How often are you taking the time to express things you do like?

Expressing appreciation can also be done through behaviours. Consider small steps that would be helpful for your partner that he/she/they have expressed. Appreciative behaviours should not be grand gestures since this is unsustainable and can only happen so often. Instead, Dr. Gottman recommends “small things often.”

It’s also important during this phase to take note of our partner’s attempts for connection. When they are talking about their day, asking questions, or seeking physical touch, how do you respond? These are opportunities to express fondness, which goes a long way in strengthening your relationship.

Agree on safe time outs

For those who stone wall, it’s hard to problem solve or engage in an effective conversation. Turning away actually seems like the safest thing to do in that moment; however, it drives the other partner mad because they are getting zero feedback about how to move forward. In these situations, it’s important to have a clear conversation with one another on safe ways to ask for space. Perhaps this means stating clearly “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I need a few minutes.” It may mean practising some deep breathing exercises to help calm your body to feel less tense.

Turning your unhappy relationship into a positive relationship

Your baby needs you. No matter what the conflict or how intense it may feel, your baby need its parents to feel safe and secure. Your little one picks up on your emotional cues and recognizes signs of conflict at home. These comments are not meant to scare you but to encourage some introspection on the reality of your relationship. If it truly feels like your conflicts are getting out of control, reach out. Individual therapy can help you understand why you feel so contemptuous towards your partner or why there is a need to stone wall. Couples counselling can soften communication patterns and help you recognize when your partners makes attempts for connection. While conflicts are common, you do not need to be stuck in an unhappy relationship forever.

Best wishes,
Kasi

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5 reasons why parents don’t seek treatment for postpartum depression

Published on June 28, 2020August 18, 2022 by kshanmuk

We know the rate of postpartum depression is quite high, and that it affects approximately 1/7 moms and 1/10 dads. The symptoms can vary from uncontrollable tears, rage, lack of appetite, and endless worries. It is meant to be a beautiful time where you build a bond with your newborn, but this emotional roller coaster doesn’t allow you to nurture this relationship. So, what gets in the way of seeking treatment for postpartum depression (PPMD)?

When it comes to accessing help, there are five common misconceptions that create a barrier:

1) Postpartum depression is a “mom” issue.

False! Firstly, there is no way to live with a family member who has mental health struggles and not become affected in some way or form. Mental health has a ripple effect. Secondly, the impact of adjusting to life with a baby is equally stressful for dads, adopted parents, and caregivers. In fact, these other support persons can also experience postpartum depression. PPMD can affect anyone, irrespective of age, race, culture, education or financial status.

What prevents you from seeking treatment for postpartum depression? Here are 5 common Myths. Reach out to Kasi Shan Therapy if you are struggling with postpartum depression. — Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

2) If I ask for help, they will take my baby away.

This comment gets whispered often, and my heart breaks every time I hear it. I think the Children’s Aid Society has done an incredible job over the years in supporting children in staying safe. At the same time, I think our history has been marred by CAS experiences that have created caution and distrust.

As a social worker, I can clarify that my duty to report is solely in situations where there is genuine threat to a baby. Postpartum parents struggle with their own emotions and this, in turn, makes it hard for them to take care of their child. The intent is not to be physically harmful towards their child. In fact, the primary stressors I witness in postpartum parents are guilt and insecurity. They are struggling because they worry of not being a good enough parent. There is guilty about not spending enough time with their baby or their loved ones. These caregivers stress about how they cannot provide for their child as well as they would like. None of these worries are a concern about child safety. Instead, this is a parent who is expressing suffering, and they should be treated with compassion.

3) I can’t have postpartum depression; I’m not crying or sad all the time.

Depression is often described as a heavy cloud that hangs over us, making it hard to feel motivated, enjoy life, or be ourselves. It’s understandable to dismiss symptoms of PPMD because it doesn’t show up in the same ways as depression. With PPMD, there are a variety of different symptoms that can be seen, including:

sadness
overwhelmed/stressed
scary of unwanted thoughts
flashbacks/trauma about the pregnancy or delivery
anxiety
sleep troubles
emptiness
rage/irritability
appetite troubles
lack of energy
avoidance
disinterest
fear of being along
fear of being separated from baby
concentration difficulties

5 myths that prevent a parent from seeking treatment for postpartum depression. Reach out to Kasi Shan Therapy for support — Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

4) I won’t get better or This is how parenting is supposed to be.

Postpartum depression is treatable! With effective support, parents can recover. Moreover, treatment is more efficient when support is offered sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, many parents assume “feeling bad” is normal during postpartum. There is an adjustment period involved when a baby comes into the home. However, if the stress in adjusting is overwhelming, and if it does not get better with time, it warrants some extra support. Others may make flippant remarks like, “get used to it.” It doesn’t mean your emotional struggles are any less real, nor should they minimized.

5) I didn’t think I had it. I was fine for the first few months.

Postpartum depression does not show up right away, and so it can often be missed. Postpartum Support International recommends that we assess for perinatal depression throughout the pregnancy (every trimester), as well as at 1, 2, and 6 months postpartum. There has also been new research indicating the benefits in assessing at 9 and 12 months as parents begin to return to work, and they face another large adjustment period. Because some parents may not have noticed clear indicators of stressors before this time, it is easy to assume that what they are experiencing is not postpartum depression.

Fellow caregivers, if you are struggling with PPMD, know that it is not your fault. There is no single cause for having PPMD, and there are a variety of genetic and environmental factors that increase your vulnerabilities. If you, or your loved ones are needing support, please reach out.

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COVID-19 has shattered our expectations for our pregnancy, delivery and postpartum care.

When your experience of pregnancy and childbirth don’t match your plans

Published on June 27, 2020August 17, 2022 by kshanmuk

I want to send a big virtual hug to all new moms and mothers-to-be! Pregnancy is such huge chunk of time in our lives. It’s 9 months (or longer when those babes feel the need to make a fashionably late entrance) of planning and growing. I think it’s reasonable to say that pregnancy is a mixed bag of emotions. It’s a roller coaster of feeling elated, anxious, determined, in denial, panicked, calm, insert twelve other emotions you experienced this hour. The easiest way to manage our anxiety is to problem solve. For many moms, this means planning out the pregnancy, delivery and postpartum phase to manage this emotional roller coaster. During these months, moms may be reading every blog and book they can grab. They may be reaching out to professionals to make sure they’re “on the right track”. They may start nesting to create the ideal nursery for their new family member. They have created a birth plan, set up parental leave with work, connected with potential daycare services, or made enough freezer meals to feed the whole neighbourhood.

And now, despite all of this planning and good intentions, COVID-19 has completely messed up our plans. A common theme I have been hearing from pregnant and postpartum moms is dealing with shattered expectations. No matter what you were planning for your pregnancy and postpartum phase, this is not it. It’s incredibly hard to not have our support network available to us right now. We don’t have the same access to our doctors and specialists. The coping strategies we planned aren’t feasible (i.e. attending baby/mom groups, visiting family and friends, etc). Given all of these changes, I wanted to provide some suggestions that I hope will be of help:

Suggestion 1:

This is time for physical distancing not social isolation. Be in regular contact with your friends and family. Continue to reach out to your professional support through telehealth. For first time moms, it is normal to have a TON of questions about your newborns. (i.e. Why is she making that noise? Has he pooped enough? Am I producing enough milk? Will I ever be able to fit into those skinny jeans? Will everything turn back to normal down there after that magical 6 week-wait postpartum?). Your anxiety will feel calmer with some answers from trusted sources like your family doctor, ob/gyn, midwife, Douala, lactation consultants, etc.

Shattered expectations in Pregnancy/Postpartum Care. Contact Kasi Shan Therapy. Treating trauma and postpartum/ pregnancy mental health. — Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Suggestion 2

Participate in virtual communities of fellow parents. There are many parenting communities online such as What to Expect or local Facebook groups. When I was postpartum, I realized most of my anxieties showed up during a 3 AM feed (really, what sleep deprived parent is thinking clearly and calmly at 3 AM?). It was a relief to be able to post questions to my online community at any time of day. Participating in an online parenting community also led me to the realization that I had zero original thought 😀 Every question and concern I had was also posed by a dozen moms before me. This is great because our worries are fleeting if reassurance and answers are just a few scrolls down.

Suggestion 3:

Be clear with your partner of what will feel helpful. Of course, we’d love for our significant others to always know what we want or need. However, this is not the time to test our partners. Our needs are always changing, and what might have worked prior to the pregnancy may not seem like the right approach right now. It’s okay to turn to our loved ones and ask for help, whether it’s an extra pair of hands during a nighttime diaper change, getting a meal ready, needing a hug, or reinforcement that you’re doing a good job. It’s also okay to articulate when we feel distressed and we don’t know what will help. Acknowledging that we don’t have a solution can be tough to us and our partners. It’s okay to not always know the best solution, so long as it opens the door to brainstorming and trying out new ideas.

Suggestion 4:

Stay active. Yes, this is the most cliché advice that you can get from a therapist, but I promise it’s based on evidence! Your nervous system will thank you for making time for cardio. If you are consistently working out, it will improve your ability to handle stress, and it will help your emotions feel generally more regulated (Who doesn’t want to get off that emotional roller coaster?).

Suggestion 5:

Accept that you wanted this to go differently. At the end of the day, this is not what you planned, and it’s okay to be disappointed. Many of us, whether we’re parents or not, can appreciate being disappointed with plans being thrown out the window due to this virus. Why should we deny this reality? Suggestion 6: Be honest with yourself in whether your worries are manageable. There are a lot of professional supports available. Whether through individual counselling, couples counselling, or support groups (i.e. Postpartum Support International), therapy can offer many options to address struggles that feel beyond your control. Seeking help does not mean you’ve done anything wrong, nor does it say anything about your capacity. Pregnancy and postpartum is a messy time. It’s a combination of hormonal changes, lack of sleep, adjustment difficulties, and mental health vulnerabilities. The emotional distress exacerbates when we try and put pressure on ourselves to “suck it up” or “just snap out of it”.

Everyone’s needs are unique. If you feel some support would be helpful, please reach out.

Cheers, Kasi

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