It’s normal to feel a bit nervous when you’re connecting with a new therapist especially when you’re starting trauma therapy. This is the person you intend to tell your vulnerable history, and pray that they know what to do with all that information. The idea of opening up to share your lowest times can be an aversive factor in starting the work. I hope the following tips will provide you comfort and guidance as you consider starting trauma therapy.
Acknowledge the hesitation
There are parts of you that are cautious of opening up. Why wouldn’t they be? If you are nervous, there is a reason for this caution. So take a moment and pay attention to the thoughts and feelings showing up right now. What are those cautious parts of you needing in order to feel safe? Here are some questions to consider:
- Is your anxiety asking you to go slowly?
- Are these cautious parts of you concerned about becoming overwhelmed?
- Are these parts worried how your therapist will react once you share your experiences? Have you been shamed by others in the past about this experience?
- Does your system need time to feel safe and build a relationship before it feels willing to open the door to the past?
- Are your anxieties worried about what they will find out if you start this process?
Everyone has reasons for hesitating, and it’s important to make space and create safety for those fears. When it comes to trauma therapy, sometimes going slow IS moving fast. Parts of you may be frustrated that you’re working at a glacial speed; however, taking the time to process slowly may be the safest option. There are safe ways to process traumatic memories without reliving or re-experiencing the events. The point of therapy is not to trigger you. Therapy should not make you reenact horrible events that you have already survived. It’s more about dual awareness: your system will slowly learn to talk about these events knowing that you are safe in the present moment.
You get to lead
This may sound obvious, so humor me as I clarify this point. Most folks come into therapy with the goal of “feeling better”. However, there are parts of their life that are an open book to review and many topics that are completely forbidden. This is fine! However, let your therapist know these boundaries. You may have experienced an eating disorder as a child. Perhaps you survived a sexual assault. You may be grieving the loss of a parent. Despite knowing this history, you may not want to open the door to these topics. Your therapist should be respectful of this boundary. At the end of the day, you are the boss in therapy. This is your life, and this is your wellbeing. You get to decide what feels most important to address. There will be times as you start trauma therapy when you realize these old wounds keep coming back. When this happens, your therapist will be honest with you and point out the value in addressing these topics. However, you are ultimately in charge of deciding whether this issue is worth exploring.
Your feedback matters
You can let your therapist know when something is not working. This may feel very unsettling, but protecting your therapist’s feelings provides only short-term relief. It doesn’t actually help you in your recovery. That isn’t fair to you, and your therapist may not be aware that you are going through this internal battle.
You can ask questions, clarify where treatment is going. When it comes to starting trauma therapy, many folks are not clear on how therapy works, or what a session will look like. You are welcome to ask at any point in time about your questions. Whether it’s been a few weeks, or a few years, it’s fine to clarify! Therapy is meant to be a safe space to build a relationship. It should feel safe to ask questions or voice uncertainties.
Therapy takes time
This may seem obvious, but it’s an important factor to consider with starting trauma therapy. You may have seen TV shows where a sassy, brilliant therapist says some profound statement and the client walks away completely changed. This isn’t really the case in real life. Sure, you may learn more about yourself at each session. You may also have a deeper patience and openness to those difficult parts of you. Therapy is about having a better relationship with yourself. Having insight into your internal system is helpful and can absolutely make you look at the world differently. Understanding what all of your “problematic symptoms” are trying to do can help you shift to appreciating these parts of your personality. However, as with every relationship, it takes time. It takes time to build this understanding about yourself. It takes time to start to trust yourself.
Therapy is not forever.
Sure, therapy can sometimes take a few years to work through old wounds and feel regulated. You may continue more for the sake of check ins and maintenance work. But, this does not have to be a permanent arrangement. You are at the lead of deciding when your goals feel complete. The beauty of working in private practice is that clients can reach out when they want to work on something, and can leave when they feel this has been adequately addressed. If you hesitate to start trauma therapy because you fear you will be ongoing, please know that this is not the case. Your therapist is forever working him or herself out of a job. That’s the point of our roles. We support you in creating internal leadership so that your emotions can show up, express themselves, and feel safely supported by you.
Just because you start with one therapist does not mean you are stuck with him/her forever. Research shows that the relationship matters. The quality of the relationship you have with your therapist is a solid predictor of how treatment outcome (irrespective of the type of therapy that is offered). What does this mean for those who are hesitant to start therapy? Ask yourself if you feel truly comfortable with the therapist. Is your clinician hearing you and understanding your needs? Do you feel judged? While you may not enjoy vulnerability, does it feel safe to be vulnerable in front of your therapist? Is there compassion? Your therapist should have a positive regard for you. If not, this isn’t the right fit.
If you have any questions about the above details, reach out for a free consult. Starting trauma therapy could finally provide that relief you’ve been searching for.