kshanmuk, Author at Kasi Shan Therapy

Common anxious thoughts during the postpartum year

Published on September 27, 2020August 18, 2022 by kshanmuk

Cognitive-behaviour therapy has taught us that there are certain themes to our anxious thoughts. These themes are referred to as “cognitive distortions” or “thought traps” in CBT lingo. Anxious thoughts can happen to any of us, irrespective of whether or not we have a clinically diagnosed mental health issue. More often, they tend to pop into our minds when we feel vulnerable. Unfortunately, during the postpartum year, there are numerous vulnerabilities that new parents face. Examples of these vulnerabilities include lack of sleep, hormonal shifts, adjustment to a new life, changes to routine, and an increased sense of responsibility. The following are a list of common thought traps, and examples of how they may show up for postpartum parents.

Common anxious thought patterns that new parents experience:

Over-generalization

common anxious thoughts during postpartum — Photo by Ann H on Pexels.com

When we over-generalization, we are making assumptions based on limited information. This means we come to a conclusion about someone or something from a single piece of evidence. In future circumstances, we overestimate the likelihood that the same set of events will happen again. The following are a few examples of how over-generalization can show up during the postpartum stage:

“My baby is not latching right away, I’ll never be able to breastfeed.”
“This baby has been fussing for nearly an hour. I am never going to be able to get to sleep.”
“My spouse was so tired and cranky when he came from work yesterday. I don’t trust him to take care of the baby on his own in the evening now.”

Catastrophising

woman in black long sleeve shirt lying on gray couch — Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

This anxious thought pattern basically means we are magnifying an issue into something awful and disastrous. We may do this by exaggerating the meaning or importance of certain events. Often times when we catastrophise, there is a sense of dread in facing uncertainty. We don’t feel we have the skills or confidence to manage in this situation. Examples of catastrophising during postpartum care include:

“My spouse and I argued this morning. We must be heading towards a divorce.”
“I got angry with the baby. We are never going to have a good relationship. I’m not cut out to be a parent.”
“Sleep training was so hard yesterday. I can’t imagine that it’s going to get better.”
“My daughter freaked out at the doctor’s office. The staff must have been pissed that I couldn’t calm her down. I can’t go back there.”

All-or-nothing

All-or-nothing thinking keeps us stuck between two restrictive options. This anxious thought pattern refers to when we things as falling into extreme categories without any middle ground. We are either perfect or a complete failure. Things are either good or bad. Life is either easy or impossibly hard. When we focus on these polarized options, we forgot to notice exceptions to these extreme thoughts. We don’t take into account all of the various and complex factors that may have affected achieving full success. We don’t consider how our self-worth is separate from our achievements.

Personalizing

Personalizing is when we take on the responsibility of a situation or take ownership of other people’s behaviours. This happens quite often with parents who take on the responsibility of their child’s behaviours as if they are fully to blame. It does not allow space for the many external factors that could have also influenced what had taken place.

E.g. the baby is teething and unable to fall asleep: “I’m a lousy parent. I can’t help my baby get some rest.”
E.g. Your partner received negative feedback from his/her boss. “It’s my fault. I kept my spouse awake by asking for help during the feedings.”
“It is my fault that my baby is not walking, talking, or meeting a developmental mile stone at this time. I must be doing something wrong.”

Should Statements/Perfectionism

This anxious thought pattern is really tough during the postpartum period. We are all trying our best as new parents, but the pressure to manage these high standards can be incredibly straining. Perfectionist thoughts involve terms like should, shouldn’t, must, must not, ought to, have to, etc. We use these thoughts as if they are iron clad rules. Unfortunately, there is a lot of frustration and resentment when we cannot meet these high expectations.

“I should be able to do the dishes, make supper, tidy up and take care of the baby.”
“I have to get to the gym. I can’t be walking around with all of this baby weight still.”
“I should be calm and soothing all the time, even when my baby is cranky.”

Do these anxious thoughts sound familiar?

Anxious thoughts can happen to any one. However, there is a higher vulnerability for anxiety during the postpartum year. If you are concerned that you may be experiencing postpartum anxiety, the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale is a quick self-assessment that reviews signs of depression and anxiety in parents. Postpartum anxiety is treatable. If you are struggling, please reach out.

Schedule a free consult

Kasi Shan, MSW, RSW

Kasi Shan Therapy is located in Kitchener, Ontario. She offers in-person and online appointments supporting individuals with struggling with trauma and perinatal mental health.

Contact Kasi

Changing our relationship with our Inner Critic

Published on September 14, 2020August 18, 2022 by kshanmuk

When our inner critic shows up, it can be hard to talk it down or reason with it. This part of our personality can be fierce, harsh, argumentative and stubborn. This critical voice tends to be judgemental and demeaning. Internal Family Systems therapy has helped me change the way I view my own perfectionism, shame, and other critical parts. This doesn’t mean I’m always at peace when these parts of my personality show up. However, IFS helped me recognize that all of my “internal enemies” are here for a reason. Once I am able to understand why they are here, or what triggered them, I’m then able to negotiate for some space.

IFS uses a variety of techniques to help us externalise these difficult parts of our personality. By creating a bit more space, we can work to understand these inner critics without becoming overwhelmed by their words. We learn about the history of these parts, how they learned to do their current roles, and what they are fearful will happen if they no longer did these tasks. When the relationship with our critics start to heal, these parts no longer have to protest, judge, or demean you as intensely.

Short meditation introducing internal family systems therapy and parts work

Working with an inner critic can take time, practice, and sometimes, support from a clinician. In the meantime, I hope the following quotes help you start to shift the relationship you have with your own internal voices. These quotes are wonderful reminders that there is more to us than our inner critics, anxieties, perfectionists, and other challenging parts. These lines help us recognize that our critical inner voices were shaped based on early life experiences. Finally, these quotes remind us that we can separate from our thoughts. I hope they bring you some comfort.

SassyLife (2020, March 23) Taken from: https://www.facebook.com/poonam.naivein/photos/

I find the most aggravating thing anyone can say to a person when they’re feeling lousy is “be positive”. If it were that simple, we would have done it by now. Instead, the most freeing thing we can do is to accept that we are suffering. Like anyone else who is suffering from a critical voice, it is hard and it can be unpleasant. What often happens is that we try and stifle this critical voice and pretend it does not exist. This is understandable since we don’t typically like what it is telling us. However, ignoring this critical voice exists does not make it go away. Shoving it down to the deepest crevice of our mind usually creates backlash.

Improving relationship with your inner critic. Insights from internal family systems therapy. — Source: Quotefancy.com

What would it be like to actually accept that this critical voice exists? If you allowed this acknowledgement, what might change for you? Would you be able to reach out for help? Would you provide yourself more forgiveness when you react? Is it possible to start changing your view of this voice? Rather than being surrounded by shame or denial for having this inner critical, acknowledging its presence and intensity can allow you some space to proceed.

IFS helps us look at our inner critic in this externalized fashion. Think of your inner critic as if it is a loud, angry, temperamental child. There are many ways you can address this kid (e.g. screaming back, trying to convince it to stop, ignoring). None of these strategies actually help you understand why that kid is pissed off, or what he/she needs from you to feel calmer. Instead, can you become curious about this part of you? Can you let go of the agenda to make it stop yelling, and instead, be a soothing presence so that it can actually talk to you.

When you start to hear this critic, pay attention to other parts of you that may show up. How do you feel towards this critic? This question gives insight as to other parts of you that may be present. For example, there may be a part of you that does not like the critic, a part that is afraid of the critic, and a part that wants to give up. These various parts emphasize the existence of an internal system of parts. Typically, when an inner critic starts to speak, other protective layers pile up in order to protect you. This is like trying to talk to one angry, temperamental child in a classroom full of angry, temperamental children. No wonder our internal systems feel so overwhelmed when we try and do this work.

Our inner critic often focuses on telling us that there is something fundamentally wrong with us. This quote helps us recognize that there are so many influences that shaped us. Our history, our family of origin, our culture, and many other influences have helped to create this inner critic. In order to access your real core, it’s important to recognize that there are often wounds that get in the way. Once these wounds are addressed, we are able to have access to our true selves.

Life throws all sorts of difficult circumstances at us. We learn to cope in the best ways given the resources and skills we have at our disposal. At some point in time, your internal system learned that it needed a critic. This doesn’t mean that the inner critic is fair or kind or effective. However, it is what your system felt was needed to help you survive a difficult moment. When I think my inner critic as a young part of me that learned it had to criticize in order to protect me, I’m am better able to stay with that emotion. I am more open to validating its concerns, and thereby understand what it needs from me in this moment to feel safer.

Mindful observation is wonderful because it is so effective. However, many of us avoid mindfulness because it’s hard work to separate our emotional ties to a thought. When our inner critic gets loud, it’s easy to get swept up by its intensity. The idea of mindfully observing thoughts is being able to recognize that a thought is just a thought. There is nothing powerful about it. It is merely a phrase that comes to mind, which will be replaced by another thought in a few seconds.

Rather than mindfully observing, we often get hooked by the story of a thought. For example, if I wake up with a enormous zit on my nose, I’ll have a really hard time letting this thought go. I may have a train of thoughts such as “Crap! What the heck is growing on my face?… No one will be able to hear me talk, they’ll be staring at this monstrosity on my nose… Can I just hide in bed?” The alternative to being in my thoughts is to step back and acknowledge that it is just a thought.

Changing relationship with your inner child. Using internal family systems strategies and quotes. — Source: Self-Care Haven

Whether it’s an inner critic, anger, or any other difficult emotion, there is a huge shift in our internal system when we can recognize our part’s protective intent. If I can separate from the emotions tied to my zit-induced panic, I can appreciate that this thought comes from a place of wanting to present well. I understand that I would like others to have a positive opinion of me. Instead of my usual patterns, I can then provide self-compassion to this part of me that feels insecure. I can let this part of me know that I understand that it has my best intentions. With help from some IFS techniques, I can ask permission for this insecure part to step back, lower its intensity, and watch as I carry out my day despite walking around with the mother of all zits.

I want to leave you with these parting words. It takes time and effort to heal. You are doing your very best given the resources you currently have available. If you are curious about your inner critic, or wanting to shift your internal relationships, please reach out.

Cheers,

Kasi

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Preventing compassion fatigue: Simple ways to help family members struggling with their mental health

Published on August 31, 2020August 18, 2022 by kshanmuk

Living with someone who is suffering from a mental health problem can be challenging to say the least. Whether the individual is formally diagnosed or you’re noticing a shift in their moods, the ripple effect it has on the home is significant. One in five people are living with a mental health struggle, and with such a high occurrence rate, family members deserve some support and strategies. Compassion fatigue is a huge consequence when it comes to mental health. We care so much about a person and we give, give, give until we get to the point of feeling burnt out. It’s really scary to get to this point. As much as we’d love to continue supporting the relationship, we feel a level of caution. We question how our words will be interpreted or whether there will be repercussions in reaching out. We don’t know how to fix the situation, or make things better. Suggestions seem to be dismissed or addressed with anger.

Compassion fatigue: Using validation to help a family member struggling with mental health

Compassion fatigue is a result of well-intentioned efforts to help our loved ones. We try as much as possible to express reassurance, but this can become disheartening after repeating the same conversation 30 times. It can feel overwhelming when you are experiencing yet another power struggle or argument. Rather than our usual supply of empathy and nurturing, we instead experience apathy and anger. While all of this might sound strange, it is natural to feel weighed down by our good intentions of helping.

There are many ways to address compassion fatigue, and I’d like to focus on one particular strategy today. Fixing things, taking over another person’s responsibilities, being a constant cheerleader, and similar roles can lead to exhaustion. Instead, the following interpersonal and communication strategy will help your loved one feel supported, without you experiencing compassion fatigue.

Using validation

I had previously written about validation and how it can help us become better communicators with our loved ones. Validation is the skill of acknowledging how another person’s opinions, emotions or behaviours makes sense given the context. It means finding even a small morsel of detail that you can appreciate. For example, let’s say you arrive home from work and your partner is cantankerous. Validation involves looking at the context (perhaps a stressful day at work, time spent with the children, being caught in traffic, etc) and trying to appreciate how someone may be in a bad mood after being in this situation. Validation is NOT approval. It does not mean agreeing to what the person is saying or doing. Validation does not mean problem solving. You are not trying to come up with a solution or assess whether a situation is right or wrong. You are simply letting the other person know you get why they’re thinking or feeling a certain way.

Why is this so important? When we validate, it helps the other person go from 100% cantankerous to perhaps 50% annoyed. For your loved one, someone has finally acknowledged that they are not wrong, bad, unintelligent (or any other negative, critical comments they think about themselves). Instead, with validation, our family members feel understood for the first time. When the individual can calm down to a 50% of emotional intensity, she/he/they may be able to problem solve independently. Alternatively, your family member may drop the issue all together because it doesn’t seem as important when the intensity goes down.

Validation does not cure the issue. You may have to validate a few times in a row before your loved one can hear your words. However, validation allows for you to have a better relationship with the person without experiencing compassion fatigue. It helps the other person feel less isolated so that they have the capacity to a) reach out for help from a professional or b) think more clearly and problem solve on their own or c) drop the issue all together if it’s not really important.

Levels of Validation

There are six different ways that you can validate someone. In DBT, we refer to these points as the six levels of validation. It goes from the easiest way in which you can acknowledge someone’s perspective to increasing complexity. Choose whichever skill feels right for you given your own comfort zone and your emotional capacity in that moment.

Level One: Being Present

Give your undivided attention. This means putting away your phone and turning towards the person to pay attention.
Check in on your body language: Are you facing your family member? Do you have a defensive posture (e.g. arms crossed)? Can you maintain eye contact?
Listen without providing comments. This is a tough one for those who love to “fix” and offer solutions. As you stay quiet, and show that you simply care, your family members are able to become more grounded. At this point, they are better able to problem solve and regulate on their own. If they need help, trust that they will come out and ask you directly.
You’re working on the skill of being present with an intense emotion. You don’t have to do anything about the emotion other than simply letting the other person know you are not scared off by them.

Level Two: Reflect Back

This involves summarising what the person is saying.
You are not guessing what the other intends to say but just repeating or paraphrasing their words
By reflecting back their statement, you show that you are paying attention and care enough to clarify.
Remember to use a non-judgemental tone when reflecting back.
E.G. “So I hear you saying that you’re angry about your test scores.”

Level Three: Reading Minds

This skill involves paying attention to facial cues and body language to help you consider how they may be experiencing the situation.
Consider what you know about the person already. How would they typically feel, think or behave in this type of circumstance?
You will sometimes be off about your guess work, and that’s okay. The other person will correct you when this is the case. The beauty in doing validation is simply letting the other person know you are trying to hear them out.
E.G. “You look a bit tired. I’m guessing the kids weren’t giving you the easiest time this afternoon.”

Level Four: Understanding based on their history

Consider the person’s history or recent life events. How might these factors be affecting their perspective?
What about their response makes sense given the ways in which they have grown up?
If you were in these similar positions, how would you react?
E.G. “Since you didn’t do as well as you had hoped on your last test, I can understand that you feel really anxious going into this exam.”
E.G. “It makes sense that you’re scared to go to the store right now given that we’re in a pandemic and everyone is practising physical distancing.”

Level Five: Acknowledge the Valid

Consider the current context that the person is experiencing. How does their responses or emotions make sense given the situation?
Valid responses are logical and fit the facts of the current situation. Your loved one is reacting in a “normal” way, and other people would be feeling, thinking or behaving similarly in the same situation.
Normalize the person’s response, and explain how others would have felt, thought or behaved similarly.
E.G. “I get that you were panicked in that fire. I would have also wanted to get out as quickly as possible.”
E.G. “Being up all night with the baby is tough. I hear moms talk about these struggles all the time, and it’s not easy.”

Level Six: Be Genuine

If you truly appreciate what the person is experiencing, express it! Don’t try to sugar coat, patronize, or fragilize the other person. Be yourself, and treat the other person as an equal.
Be genuine about your empathy towards their feelings, thoughts, and behaviours.
This involves being attuned to the person, and expressing that attunement via words and body language.

When it comes to compassion fatigue, there are a lot of ways to address this difficult issue. One means of preventing compassion fatigue from taking place is shifting the relationship you have with your family members to one of support and validation. Moving away from a sense of responsibility to take care of another person or resolve their struggles can help create more space for you.

Every family is unique. If you would like to address some of the details mentioned in this post, please feel free to reach out.

Take care,

Kasi

Schedule a free consult

Kasi Shan, MSW, RSW

Kasi Shan Therapy is located in Kitchener, Ontario. She offers in-person and online appointments supporting individuals with struggling with trauma and perinatal mental health.

Contact Kasi

What is Exposure Therapy?

Published on August 16, 2020August 16, 2020 by kshanmuk

Exposure therapy is a wonderful and challenging form of treatment that can improve phobias and anxieties. This treatment modality works off the assumption that, by slowly and continually facing a fearful situation, we become less scared. Gradual exposure involves creating a formal list of tasks that are completed in order to build confidence in facing our fears. Repeating the exposure task helps us become desensitized to a scary object or event. Exposure therapy is based on cognitive-behaviour therapy wherein clients address their anxiety by challenging negative thought patterns and shifting their behaviours. If you have struggled for years with anxiety, exposure work could be the effective approach that helps meet your needs.

Anxiety and Avoidance

When we experiences anxiety, our natural reaction is to avoid whatever it is that is causing fear. For example, if you’re scared of heights, you may avoid climbing ladders or standing out on a balcony. If you’re scared of roller coasters, you may avoid amusement parks. If you live with social anxiety, you may feel distressed at the idea of speaking to strangers or participating in group work.

When our anxiety gets triggered, it tells us there is some form of imminent threat. The safest option is to get away from that threat. Avoidance is an effective strategy, and it can work for many years. However, if your fears are more common place (e.g. public speaking, taking tests, speaking to strangers), it becomes harder to avoid these fears all together. At some point, facing the actual fear becomes a necessity, and our desire and need to address these fears becomes stronger.

How avoidance makes things more complicated:

When we become anxious, we worry that something bad will take place if we actually face our fears. This belief is so strong and uncomfortable that the idea of confronting our fears is overwhelming. Unfortunately, we can spend years avoiding this fearful object or event because of this feared negative consequence. So, we listen to these problematic beliefs without testing whether it is accurate or likely to occur. We trust this belief without assessing whether we have any evidence to back it up.

Because our anxiety naturally feels better when a scary or distressing threat is taken away, we feel like we have managed this situation. However, the next time we are presented with the same threat, our anxiety comes back. As we get into these habits of avoiding, our anxieties become stronger. We stop trusting that we have the skills or ability to face our fears.

If you are struggling with a phobia, take a moment to consider: What would happen if you actually faced this fear? If you take public speaking, for example, the problematic beliefs could be:

others will laugh at me
I will make a mistake
I will stutter and have a hard time being articulate.

Based on these beliefs, you may decide to avoid all forms of public speaking. While this makes sense, the unfortunate consequence is that we never actually test the validity of our belief. How likely is that you’ll make a mistake? If you do make a mistake, then what happens? Will you really be laughed at by your peers? Sometimes, we don’t quite know what would be so bad about these fearful consequences, but the sense of dread is so strong, we don’t want to test it out.

Starting Exposure Therapy

Exposure therapy is a gradual and systemic approach to facing our fears. By slowly placing ourselves in situations that make us fearful, we can start to challenge our fears and our problematic beliefs. We learn to assess whether our feared beliefs are valid. By taking a gradual approach, we can start at a pace that feels uncomfortable, but manageable. For example, if you have a fear of spiders, your exposure task may involve looking at pictures of spiders as a starting point. The task is not pleasant; however, it is much more manageable than actually touching a spider or being in the same room as a spider.

Gradual exposure is incredible in helping build our confidence. The more often we practice an exposure task, the easier it becomes because we learn that these problematic beliefs are either a) not happening, or b) not as bad as we initially believed. With an increased level of confidence, we can then move on to a more challenging exposure task.

Step One: Creating an exposure tasks

The first step to starting exposure therapy is to create a list of exposure tasks. A therapist can support you in creating a list where you consider every anxiety-provoking and avoidance-inducing scenarios related to this single issue. This list can be extensive, and it’s recommended that there are at least 15 exposure tasks to help give enough varied scenarios to build your confidence. For example, your fear of public speaking can include exposure tasks such as:

Exposure Tasks

Providing a long presentation (10 min+)

Providing a short presentation (5 min+)

Introducing myself during ice breakers

Speaking in small groups

Speaking to strangers one on one

Having conversations with authority figures (e.g. boss, teachers)

Maintaining eye contact

Sample Exposure Hierarchy

Step Two: Rating Distress Level

The therapist and the client then review the created list of exposure tasks and assess how uncomfortable, distressing or avoidant-prone the task seems. This is a subjective score, and the distress level depends on how the client perceives a situation. These items are then ranked from highest to lowest level of distress to create an exposure hierarchy.

Exposure Tasks	How distress is it?
Providing a long presentation (10 min+)	100%
Providing a short presentation (5 min+)	90%
Introducing myself during ice breakers	80%
Speaking in small groups	80%
Speaking to strangers one on one	75%
Having conversations with authority figures (e.g. boss, teachers)	60%
Maintaining eye contact	40%

Sample Exposure Hierarchy with Distress Ratings (0= neutral. 100= highest level of distress)

If you are looking for some examples of exposure hierarchies, here are some great examples from Anxiety Canada.

Step Three: Gradual Exposure

This is the hardest step of exposure therapy. Now that we have created a list of exposure tasks, we want to begin the actual behavioural work. The general principal with exposure therapy is to start with tasks that are mildly distressing (in the 30-50% range). This way, we begin with tasks that are challenging, but not so overwhelming that the individual wants to give up or is overwhelmed.

When you start exposure therapy, it’s best to do an exposure task enough times that the distress level goes down. You can stop the task when you are either at a point of habituation (you’re used to it), or to a point of extinction (the distress rating is at a 0% and the task does not bother you). When either of these factors happen, you can move on to the next task on your exposure hierarchy.

Some considerations to note when doing exposure work:

Make sure you are actually focusing on the fearful experience. If your exposure task is to look at pictures of spiders, but you have music on in the background distracting you, this is preventing you from truly doing the work. The point is to practice being in that state of distress without any form of avoidance, so that you can recognize your own skill and ability to handle the situation. This is also part of the reason we start with an easier task when we begin exposure work.

Who is with you? Are you able to do the task on your own or do you always have someone nearby? In the beginning, it is okay to practice doing an exposure task with another person. However, it’s important to try a task on your own so that you can gain confidence in your ability to manage the situation.
Try and switch the length of time you practice exposure work. In the beginning, it’s okay to start for a small period of time, but as the days go on, see if you can lengthen your amount of time doing the work.

Step Four: Tracking using an Exposure Record

As you do these exposure tasks, it’s important to keep track of your distress level. Does it change over time? If not, it’s important to let your therapist know so that you can problem solve together, such as by creating additional steps to help bridge between a task that is manageable versus an overwhelming task. Keeping track of your distress level is also a great marker that tells you when you are ready to move on your exposure list to a task that is slightly harder. Your end goal is to ultimately face your fear in a variety of environments.

As always, everyone has their own specific and unique needs. If you have any questions about exposure therapy, or are looking for support, please feel free to reach out.

Cheers,

Kasi

schedule a free consult

Unhappy relationship after a baby

Published on August 2, 2020August 2, 2020 by kshanmuk1 Comment

Relationships are tested all the time when life throws curve balls. As much as we’d love for a new family member to bring us closer together, having a baby can actually worsen the sense of an unhappy relationship.

Working in perinatal mental health, I hear a lot of parents talking about their relationship dissatisfaction. I know they are struggling with poor communication, lack of sleep, and adjustments to new responsibilities. One parent is trying to maintain a sense of normalcy, continuing to work long hours to provide financial stability to the family. The other parent is spending hours with their infant intent on keeping their baby alive and thriving. While these goals are both compatible, it’s easy to get lost in our own perspective of what is most important or necessary. During postpartum stages, I hear parents constantly share how much they yearn to feel connected with their partners. They want the security of knowing they have their partner’s love, understanding, and support.

The Four Types of Relationship Conflicts

There are many factors that can create an unhappy relationship; however, I’ll focus on communication struggles for this post. The Gottman Institute recognizes that there are four common trends in relationship conflict, which they’ve coined “the four horsemen”. With decades of research, the Gottman Institute can confirm that the presence of these four conflict styles create and exacerbate unhappy relationships. These communication conflicts can happen to the best of us, but it’s important to recognize when it is an off-chance occurrence versus a continued pattern.

Criticism

Unhappy relationship after a baby: Things to notice, and ways to fix. — pexels-photo-984954

This type of relationship conflict involves one partner expressing criticisms about the other’s personality or defects. Often, with criticism, the angry party will state “you always-” or “you never-” or others forms of extreme language in order to highlight a partner’s inadequacies. Instead of voicing the actual complaint, the focus is instead on attacking your partner’s character to the core. Rather than stating “I feel frustrated that the dishes haven’t been washed tonight,” the angry individual will state, “you are such a lazy slob” or “you always watch TV instead of doing what you promised.” It leaves the other person, whether he or she is in the right or wrong, to feel hurt and assaulted.

Defensiveness

When met with criticism, it’s natural that you wish to defend yourself. In an ideal world where our defensiveness is less heightened, we can hear a complaint, take responsibility of our actions, and apologize if necessary. Instead, the hurt partner gets angry and attacks in turn. The argument cycle continues as the other partner then feels blamed and hurt.

There are various ways in which we can become defensive:

attack back with a critical comment of your own “Well, they’re mostly your dishes from breakfast. What made you so lazy this morning?”
claim innocence “I rarely watch TV. Why are you bugging me the one time I get to sit down?”
express righteous indignation “I was going to do it after this show.”
whine “I’ve had such a long day at work. Can’t you give me a break?”

Contempt

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Contempt is the extreme version of relationship conflict. It is the highest predictor for divorce. When we are being contemptuous, we are genuinely being mean and disrespectful. This includes: name calling, using sarcasm, ridiculing, giving condescending lectures, throwing insults, eye rolling, etc. When we use this form of conflict style, it makes it hard for partners to move past our sense of disgust and superiority towards them.

Stonewalling

This form of unhappy relationship conflict involves shutting down or “becoming a stone wall” when our partners express their feelings. This means we offer zero verbal or non-verbal language in response to their comments and questions. Stonewalling is a protective mechanism that attempts to block out rather than take in our partners’ criticisms, defensiveness or contempt. The stonewaller often feels overwhelmed and unable to think clearly or know what do about the situation. Rather than face the conflict, a stonewalling partner may instead tune out, become distracted by other activities, or simply walk away.

Crap! I do some of these things! How do I fix my relationship?

If you happen to fall into some of these conflict styles, don’t worry! We all have moments of falling into these conflict styles. The following suggestions are some ways to improve the situation.

Use gentle and assertive communication

I love the DEARMAN acronym from DBT to help with assertive communication. This acronym helps us make requests or say no in a confident and conflict-reduced fashion. By using a gentle and assertive approach right from the start of a conflict, there is less likelihood for your partner to feel defensive or need to attack or shut down. Speaking assertively can push some of us outside our comfort zone, especially if your tendency is to stone wall and not express your feelings or needs. However, by asking clearly and respectfully, your partner has the opportunity to hear what you would like, and have the chance to negotiate with you on terms that seem manageable for him/her/them.

D= Describe the situation. Use a brief statement that sticks with objective facts. “I noticed there are still dishes in the sink.”

E= Express how you feel. Use an I statement to explain what emotions are showing up for you because of this situation. “I feel upset that the dishes haven’t been done because we had talked about sharing the household chores more equally. I feel disappointed that this task wasn’t completed.”

A= Assert what you want. Be clear about what change you are looking for at this time. “I would like for the dishes to be done after supper.”

R= Reinforce what is in it for the other person to follow through. It’s absolutely fair that you want your partner to “just know” that it’s right thing to do. However, it’s more helpful and efficient to provide a reminder for why it’s important to maintain a specific behaviour or make a change. “I was looking forward to relaxing at the end of the night with you. I’d love to cuddle up to watch some TV rather than waste our short chunk of evening time scrubbing away at dishes.”

M= be Mindful. Don’t use this as an opportunity to throw in twelve other requests. Focus just on this one situation.

A= Appear confident. There is no need to apologize when you are making a request for change.

N= Negotiate. Sometimes your partner will be willing to make a change so long as there is some wiggle room. Be willing to negotiate so that you can both come to a satisfactory middle ground.

Express appreciation and respect regularly

One of the best antidotes for anger in a relationship is to voice appreciation and respect regularly. Are you turning towards your partner and commenting when they do a task you genuinely appreciate? Did you thank them for tidying up the garage or watering the grass this morning? It may seem unnecessary, but check in on the ratio of negative to positive attention that you provide your partner. How often are you expressing factors that you dislike? How often are you taking the time to express things you do like?

Expressing appreciation can also be done through behaviours. Consider small steps that would be helpful for your partner that he/she/they have expressed. Appreciative behaviours should not be grand gestures since this is unsustainable and can only happen so often. Instead, Dr. Gottman recommends “small things often.”

It’s also important during this phase to take note of our partner’s attempts for connection. When they are talking about their day, asking questions, or seeking physical touch, how do you respond? These are opportunities to express fondness, which goes a long way in strengthening your relationship.

Agree on safe time outs

For those who stone wall, it’s hard to problem solve or engage in an effective conversation. Turning away actually seems like the safest thing to do in that moment; however, it drives the other partner mad because they are getting zero feedback about how to move forward. In these situations, it’s important to have a clear conversation with one another on safe ways to ask for space. Perhaps this means stating clearly “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I need a few minutes.” It may mean practising some deep breathing exercises to help calm your body to feel less tense.

Turning your unhappy relationship into a positive relationship

Your baby needs you. No matter what the conflict or how intense it may feel, your baby need its parents to feel safe and secure. Your little one picks up on your emotional cues and recognizes signs of conflict at home. These comments are not meant to scare you but to encourage some introspection on the reality of your relationship. If it truly feels like your conflicts are getting out of control, reach out. Individual therapy can help you understand why you feel so contemptuous towards your partner or why there is a need to stone wall. Couples counselling can soften communication patterns and help you recognize when your partners makes attempts for connection. While conflicts are common, you do not need to be stuck in an unhappy relationship forever.

Best wishes,
Kasi

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Mindfulness exercises to practice today. Kasi Shan Therapy offers counselling in Kitchener, ON & online.

15 mindfulness exercises to try today

Published on July 19, 2020July 20, 2022 by kshanmuk

There are so many ways to incorporate mindfulness in to your daily life and one post doesn’t suffice. Mindfulness is a moment to moment awareness of what’s happening internally (your emotions and physical sensations) and externally (using your senses to note what you see, hear, smell, taste and touch). While the definition may sound complicated, the actual practice can be quite simple.

It may seem like I’m constantly talking about mindfulness, but there’s a reason I keep encouraging its practice. By trying mindfulness exercises, you can gain various benefits such as:

feeling more in control of your emotions
improving your attention and concentration
reducing stress and anxiety
becoming aware of your thoughts and triggers
having more capacity to pause and reflect versus acting automatically
improving relationships
living in the present moment (rather than worrying about the past or future)

How to be mindful:

When we start our mindfulness exercises, it’s important to keep the following components in mind. These four factors shift our normal daily activities into intentional mindfulness practice.

Observe: When we are mindful, we are observing using our five senses to notice what is going on internally and externally.
- Note: You stop being mindful when you move away from observing with your senses to focusing instead on interpretations (e.g. “That person is looking away from me” versus “that person must think I’m the worst”)
Participate: When we are mindful, we throw ourselves into an activity and fully engage with the present task. Rather than shying away, or being an observer, you want to be an active participant.
Non-judgement: When we are mindful, we describe only what we observe. This means noticing and moving away from interpretations, evaluations or judgements.
One thing at a time: Mindfulness means the end of multitasking! Instead, we want to only focus on ONE activity at a time.

15 Mindfulness Exercises

So let’s dive in! There are many ways to practice being mindful. The importance is doing these activities by observing with your senses, participating fully, being non-judgemental and doing one thing at a time. Whenever your thoughts stray away from the activity, you want to bring it back. This may involve bringing your attention back many times, and that’s okay! Mindfulness is like a muscle, and the more often you practice, the stronger it becomes. With practice, your attention will improve.

Eating a meal

Notice how the food tastes and smells. Pay attention to the movement involved in taking a bite. Notice the visual presentation and the sounds that you hear from the moment you pick up your food to swallowing.

Going for a walk

This is a great way to be mindfully aware of how your internal environment interacts with the external environment (e.g. can you notice how it feels when your feet hit the floor? What happens in your body when you notice your surroundings? How does your body respond when it hears a bird chirping versus a loud car horn?

20 mindfulness exercises that you can practice today. Kasi Shan Therapy offers counselling online and in Kitchener, ON.

Listening to the news

This is a great way to practice being non-judgemental! Try and sit through the evening news noting when judgemental thoughts arise. When they show up, can you try and bring your attention back to the material shared on the TV instead of evaluating the information?

Dancing

This works especially well if you feel self-conscious about dancing. Can you throw yourself into this activity letting go of all judgemental thoughts and insecurities?

Watching TV

Yes! You can watch TV mindfully. It involves only doing this activity (not also playing on your phone, talking to your family member, or get supper ready). Can you bring all your thoughts back to the show that you are watching whenever you get distracted?

Washing dishes

Can you notice the sense of touch when you are washing dishes? What temperature is the water? What does the suds and sponge feel like? Are you able to focus on just watching dishes instead of thinking of something else?

Describing your home

Can you close your eyes and describe your home? What is actually observable? Where are items located? Can you notice if any judgemental thoughts come up and replace them with observable facts?

Mindfulness exercises to practice today. Kasi Shan Therapy offers counselling services online and in-person (Kitchener, ON)

Engaging in a conversation

Can you participate in a conversation with someone mindfully? This means truly taking the time and effort to hear what the other person is saying (as opposed to planning your retort). Are you able to focus on the conversation and not multitask?

Mindful breathing

Paying attention to your breath is boring, which is what makes it a great mindfulness exercise! It’s easy to have your attention wander if all you’re doing is focusing on your inhale and exhale. This means ample opportunity to gently bring your mind back whenever it shifts away from the breath.

Observing your thoughts

Set a timer for two minutes and notice the various thoughts that come to mind. We want to teach your brain to not become hooked to these thoughts. This means acknowledging a thought when it pops up, but not going down the train of thought to elaborate. This one takes practice and can be frustrating, and it’s part of the reason I recommend sticking with a two-minute timer to begin.

15 mindfulness exercises to practice today. Kasi Shan Therapy offers counselling services online and in person (Kitchener, ON) — Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

Using a meditation app

There are many online apps that can guide you through meditation such as: Insight Timer, Calm, Pacifica or Head Space.

Completing a body scan exercise

Take the time to start noticing the various shifts that happen internally. This video is a great starter to help you start mindfully observing your body.

Courtesy of The Mindfulness Teacher

Driving

It’s so easy to get critical of others’ driving when you’re on the road. Can you observe what is happening around you without these critical thoughts? If critical thoughts happen, can you rephrase so that you focus on observation rather than evaluations?

Finding music that puts you in a specific mood (sad, angry, happy)

Listen to each song, and observe the shifts it has in your body when various emotions come up.

Cleaning your home

Try and create a plan of cleaning your home one step at a time. Once a task is done, move on the next. Pay attention to judgemental thoughts if they arise, and bring your attention back to the task at hand. Notice how it feels when you are sweeping. What do your muscles feel like when you are dusting? Instead of focusing on the end result, can you slow the process down to being in the present moment?

As always, if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to reach out.

Kasi

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Using validation to improve your relationship

Published on July 12, 2020August 17, 2022 by kshanmuk

When it comes to some challenging relationships, we all recognize that miscommunications and frustration seem endless. It feels like every conversation hits a roadblocks, and both you and the other person walk away feeling hurt, pissed off, and unheard. So how do we work through these blocks so that we can improve our relationship with these individuals? Whether you are a family member, a partner, a friend, or a work colleague, validation is an incredibly simple and powerful skill that can help reduce conflict and improve your relationships.

What is validation?

Validation involves acknowledging how another person’s thoughts, behaviours, or actions make sense given the context. This means finding even the smallest piece of the other person’s argument that you can appreciate and find valid or reasonable. Not only do you need to recognize this understanding, but you’ll need to take the time to express that understanding to the other person.

There might be some guess work when it comes to validation. After all, you can’t know for sure what a person is thinking or feeling unless they are actually stating these points. However, can you look at the situation with an empathetic perspective, and guess as to what may causing them to behave this way at this time? If not, can you ask them to help you understand why they feel so passionately about a certain stance?

Let’s take an example of parenting teenagers. Let’s say that, most recently, your arguments have been about curfew and arriving home on time. Typically, when you and your teens get into a conflict, it is the most exasperating conversation. It feels next to impossible to find any points that your teens are voicing that makes sense. In the end, you all end up screaming at one another, and the relationship stays rocky.

If you could step back from the conflict at this moment, is there any understanding for why your teenagers want to push back a curfew time, and how that makes sense? If you were in your teens’ shoes, what might they be feeling? What does staying out later mean to them? What opportunities are they hoping to meet by staying out later? Would having a slightly later curfew mean more time with friends? Would it mean they feel like they belong in their peer group? Are they worried about not having time with their partners? What do they worry will happen if they don’t get to have this time? If they are worried about their social status, does it make sense that they are pissed off right now that they can’t stay out later? If they are wanting to spend time with their friends, and feel socially isolated right now, does it make sense that they are arguing so strongly?

Validation is not approval or agreement

I tend to lose parents in trying to see things from their teens’ point of view because they worry that validation will mean approval or acceptance of their behaviour. And of course, at the end of the day, you don’t want to condone them to stay out later. You’re worried about what kind of trouble they’ll get into at later hours. You’re concerned about safety and whether their peers will be making responsible choices at this time. You’re tired of being anxious, and staying up late in order to ensure they’re coming home safely…. Did you notice what I just did there? I focused on validating how you may be feeling. I didn’t agree with you or claim that your point of view was correct. However, I focused on trying to find kernels of truth that I can appreciate from your point of view, and expressed how they are valid and reasonable. When you read these words of validation, how did they land with you? Did you get more upset or was there some softening on your part?

When we validate, it helps us shift out of stuck patterns of all-or-nothing thinking, where either you are right or the other person is right. When we are focused on findings things to validate, it forces us to pay attention to how an experience might be for another person. This can be tough because our natural instinct is to focus on our own emotions, thoughts and feel affronted that the other person “doesn’t get it.” By taking their perspective, it helps us move away from the extreme all-or-nothing framework that we often get caught in when we’re angry. Validation helps us shift into more dialectical thinking, teaching us that there can be more than one side to an argument.

Once the emotional intensity goes down during an argument, there is more capacity to work together and find options that likely fall somewhere in the middle. When we express words of validation, the other person will feel more understood, and therefore, more amenable to talking. While the actual problem will still need to be addressed and resolved, you’re both more grounded in order to have a conversation that improves your relationship rather than cause harm.

When it comes to validation, I try and follow the rules of Dr. Adele LaFrance, founder of Emotion Focused-Family Therapy Dr. LaFrance recommends working validation in sets of threes, meaning, can you find three points to validate? Let’s assume that your partner is really angry that you didn’t wash the dishes. If you were to say the following validating statement to your partner, how do you imagine it would go?

I can really appreciate that you’re frustrated right now. (1) You’ve had a long day at work, and (2) you’ve been so excited to come home and relax, and (3) seeing the pile of dirty dishes would feel so cumbersome when you already feel so tired.

Notice how in the above statement, there was acknowledgement of how your partner may be feeling, thinking or behaving, and how you can genuinely empathize with these factors. If you’re feeling stuck with how to validate, try and begin with statements such as:

I can appreciate that you
I could understand how you…
I could imagine that..
It makes sense that…

Stuck places: When does it go wrong?

Not knowing what to validate: If you really feel stuck, and can’t guess what to validate, simply ask. Ask the person to help you understand why they feel this way or to explain why it’s so important that they push this specific agenda. By asking for clarification, it will give them a chance to express their feelings, and also provide you some opportunities for potential validation points.
Using BUT after you validate: There is no other way to kill a beautiful validating sentence than using “but”. It negates the initial positive statement, and focuses more on selling your point of view. It’s not that your point of view is wrong. However, validation is all about helping to lower the intensity of emotions so that the other person will be more willing to listen and work amicably. This won’t happen if you’re agenda is to convince them that you’re right (even though you may be right! Nevertheless, it doesn’t change their willingness to work with you).
Forgetting to be mindful of our tone and non-verbal cues: What’s the point of saying all these lovely words if we don’t express them in a genuine and gentle fashion? Your friend will not feel understood if you’re rolling your eyes and scoffing while you tell him/her/them that you get it. So check in on your external presentation. Can it soften? How is your volume? Does it need to lower? What is your body posture like? Is your tone clipped or curt? Can you express your interest in hearing what the other person has to say?

So the next time you find your in a stagnant conflict, give validation a try and let me know how it goes. As always, if you have any questions or comments, feel free to reach out.

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3 strategies to improve your parenting style: Communication

3 tips to improve your parenting style

Published on July 8, 2020July 8, 2020 by kshanmuk

How do you find your parenting style? Does it meet the standards you’d set out for yourself? Are there times where you look back and cringe, wishing things had gone differently? Are there moments where you’re proud of how you handled a tough tantrum? In the next few posts, I will be sharing some strategies to improve your parenting style with your kids. Give it a try and see how your relationship can grow!

Strategy One: Be mindful of HOW you are talking.

STEP ONE

I challenge you to do absolutely nothing different except start observing the way you communicate with other people. Notice how your tone, posture, volume, eye contact, and other verbal/nonverbal communication skills shift when you’re speaking from one person to the next.

father talking to his son — Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com

STEP TWO

Start noticing how you are talking to your kids. Surely they are not the only people in your life who you find baffling or irritating. How do you approach them versus anyone else outside of your home?

family preparing food in the kitchen — Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com

STEP THREE

Write a list of communication changes that are manageable right now. Do not wait until the ‘perfect time’ to make these changes- your kids will not be around on only ‘perfect days’. Would this change involve having more eye contact when you speak with them? Do you need to switch to a gentler tone? Do you tend to multitask when you’re around them? Are there any passive-aggressive comments being made? (No judgement! We’ve all done it at some point.)

notebook — Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

Pick ONE strategy and try it out consistently for two weeks. Check at the end of your two weeks to see if it made a difference. If it does, awesome and congrats! If it doesn’t, go back to your list and try another. Good luck, parents!
As always, feel free to contact me with any questions or comments.

Kasi

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Safety Planning During COVID-19

Published on July 8, 2020August 17, 2022 by kshanmuk

This is a unique time in the world, where staying at home is meant to be the safest option. Yet, for someone living with an abusive roommate, partner or family member, staying at home can create a world of danger. Living within the confines of your four falls can mean being always available to a violent individual. The difficulty is that we cannot always predict when these blowouts will take place, and so it is important to create a safety plan to ensure there is as much safety as possible.

Everyone has the right to decide for him or herself whether it is best to stay or leave a violent relationship. This is not a decision to take lightly as there are many reasons why an individual continues to stay (i.e. love, financial security, sake of children, community pressures, fear) . If you decide it is best for you to maintain current arrangements, then I want for you to be prepared. The following are some tips that I hope will help increase safety in the home. Everyone’s circumstances are different, and the following suggestions may not be enough for you. If you would like to create a more thorough safety plan, or simply want to talk, please reach out.

Other local resources that could be of help, include:

Here 24/7 at 1-844-437-3247 (24-hour Crisis Line)
Women’s Crisis Service of Waterloo 519-742-5894 (24-hour Crisis Lines)
Carizon– 519.743.6333 (individual counselling, support group, safety planning, financial counselling, children’s services, legal services)
Victim Services of Waterloo 519-585-2363 (crisis intervention, immediate scene response, safety planning)
Sexual Assault Centre of Waterloo 519-741-8633 (24 hour support line, individual counselling for men and women, accompaniment and support for medical procedures/police investigation, Family Court Support Program)
Community Justice Initiative – 519-744-6549 (Support groups for survivors of violence, partners of survivors)

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What is EMDR therapy and how does it help with PTSD?

What is EMDR therapy and how does it help my PTSD?

Published on July 5, 2020August 17, 2022 by kshanmuk2 Comments

It’s frustrating when you’ve been to therapy for many years and no amount of talking has truly helped you recover from traumatic events. While I practice CBT, DBT and other forms of traditional talk therapy, I have shifted my practice to focus heavily on EMDR to help process difficult memories that seem “stuck”. EMDR therapy, a.k.a. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is highly effective in working through single traumatic events as well as long-term distress (e.g. childhood trauma, bullying, anxiety, depression). In fact, the EMDR International Association boasts that single-event traumatic experiences can be resolved within 3 sessions.

What is EMDR therapy and how does it treat PTSD?

Why can’t I get over it on my own?

During traumatic experiences, your brain is focused solely on survival. It’s not paying attention to nuances. Instead, it is trying to gather just enough information so that it can make a fast decision on how to keep you safe. During this quick processing, your brain stores traumatic information poorly. Rather than processing the event and filing it away as completed and safe, your compromised mind does not communicate properly with the parts of your brain in charge of the flight/fright/freeze responses. Unfortunately, these traumatic memories then get stored with the same emotional duress and physical sensations that took place during the event. Therefore, years later, when we become triggered, we experience the same emotions and physical states that we did during the time of the traumatic event. Because these memories are poorly stored in our brain, it also struggles to make connections with new or positive experiences.

what is emdr therapy and how does it help

EMDR therapy believes that your brain is able to recover from traumatic experiences; however, there are certain blocks that prevent this natural healing from taking place. Consider how your body works to heal a cut on your hand. You don’t have to address the wound; your body will naturally try to heal this wound on its own irrespective of your interventions. However, if there is repeated irritations to the wound, it becomes difficult for the cut to heal quickly or effectively. Your brain works in similar ways to your body. It is capable of healing from trauma; but, if there are repeated afflictions (e.g. negative beliefs stemming from that memory), it makes it harder for your brain to recover. Once these afflictions are addressed, your recovery can take place.

How does it work?

I have to preface that EMDR feels incredibly bizarre at first! If you are used to traditional talk therapy, EMDR will feel a tad surreal. During therapy, your EMDR therapist will ask you to review the traumatic memory in a very unique way. You will be asked to focus on one specific moment within your traumatic memory, and rate the level of distress you experience when you think of this moment. Your therapist will then support you in understanding the negative beliefs you now hold because of this memory. Afterwards, your therapist will ask you to think about the image while also having you pay attention to an object that is moving back and forth (a.k.a. bilateral stimulation). Bilateral stimulation is the distinctive factor in EMDR. It involves getting both your verbal and non-verbal (left and right-hemispheres of your brain) to be activated while addressing a traumatic memory. Bilateral stimulation can be done in various ways like back and forth eye movement, audio cues, or hand-held pulsers.

What does EMDR feel like?

During the time that the bilateral stimulation happens, your mind will wander (and your clinician will encourage this!). Your mind will start to create all sorts of connections stemming from that original memory. You may think of other memories, beliefs, images, emotions, etc. With bilateral stimulation, your brain is making connections between that original memory and it’s impact on other events in your life. Therefore, it’s creating new neural networks in your brain, shifting your original beliefs about that memory. Depending on where your mind wanders, your EMDR therapist will guide you in between sets of bilateral stimulate to choose the next aspect of the memory to focus on, thereby helping the processing move forward.

EMDR can help people of all ages

Why does it work?

There are several theories as to why the bilateral stimulation is so effective in processing traumatic memories. Some believe that it is due to your working memory being taxed because you’re focusing on the traumatic memory and the bilateral stimulation at the same time. Others have argued that it is because the bilateral stimulation is similar to rapid eye movement during sleep, which is a primary time when you process and store information in your brain.

“EMDR Therapy changes maladaptive neural networks by connecting the traumatic memory with new information. The distressing thoughts and emotions are blended with new positive thoughts and emotions; embodied awareness allows frozen sensations in the body to resolve through healing movements.”
– Arielle Schwartz

How else is EMDR different from other therapies?

If the thought of using bilateral stimulation hasn’t made this therapy look unique enough, there are a few other details that may help.

EMDR does not require a lot of talking about the difficult memory. Truly, the work is happening in your mind, and your brain is working hard to remove all of the afflicted connections from the original memory. You do not have to explain lengthy details to your therapist, if you are not comfortable.
Your therapist will be fairly silent during bilateral stimulation. This builds on the above point that the work is happening internally when you process a traumatic memory in combination with bilateral stimulation.
There is a lot of specific ‘resourcing’ exercises used to support your nervous system prior to starting trauma processing. Everyone feels vulnerable when it comes to addressing traumatic memories. To do the work safely, a lot of time can be spent to ensure that you feel safe and confident prior to starting the work.
There are no homework assigned. Don’t worry, if you love homework in therapy, we can figure something out! However, the primary focus of the work happens in session.
There are no arguments or time spent convincing you about changing your beliefs, thoughts or emotions. Instead, we acknowledge the negative belief that this traumatic memory has fostered, and we let the bilateral stimulation do the work. There is no time spent on thought records, or trying to look at the evidence for or against beliefs.

Here’s a quick video to summarize EMDR

After learning all of this information about EMDR, what questions do you have about this counselling approach? I’m happy to chat about EMDR, and how it may best serve your needs. Please reach out for a free consult to see if EMDR may be a good fit for you.

Cheers,
Kasi

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